Beginnings and Ending are Always the Hardest Parts

So I found myself laying in bed recently, looking at the calendar and realizing that 2011 was right around the corner. At this thought I wondered "where did the year go?" and "what did I do with my 2010?" At first I felt that i had wasted the year, but upon deeper retrospect I began to see that countless little things had made my year memorable. It hasn't been what I would call the best year of my life, but it certainly wasn't the worst. It was life- plain and simple. It was a year filled with learning, growing, changing, hurting, healing and just being and becoming who I am. At this point I will attempt to list flashbacks and snippets of memorable moments that made the year 2010 for me. (In simi-(but not really) chronological order.

I brought in the New Year of 2010 with some good friends.
I left my teen years behind me.
I fell in love.
I went to KY for the first time.
I was broken down on the side of the road for the first time.
Someone helped me let my walls down.
This was the first year I had a Valentine.
I got snowed in.
I started drinking coffee.
Driving in the snow was a new experience for me.
I made the mistake of taking online classes.
Stress got the better of me.
I over-looked poor decisions.
I hit someone's car with someone else's car. Uninsured.
I got a job to pay for the damages.
Was fired from the job I got to pay for the damages.
Compromises were made.
Good grades were made.
I got my first car!
I discovered the difficulty of a long-distance relationship.
I made plans.
I got in touch with my inner child.
I did yoga.
I made new friends.
I took summer classes.
I babysat.
Hunting for jobs is just as hard as it sounds.
I had second thoughts.
I felt conflicting emotions.
I took a road trip.
Chaperoned a youth trip to Kings Dominion.
Difficult decisions had to be made.
The long distance relationship was cut short.
We decided to remain friends.
I cried for a week.
Someone lived on my floor for a month.
I went to two funerals and a wedding.
I stood by a friend's deathbed.
I went camping, bridge jumping, and swimming.
I got a really great tan.
Summer classes ended just as Fall classes began.
I found a Summer job just before school started.
I realized that working ridiculous hours, not eating or sleeping enough, being on leadership and taking a full course load while still attempting to maintain a social life will cause you to break down in tears in the middle of a crowded hallway.
Temporary job ended. Angels sang.
Friendships are hard.
Hiking, tailgates and football games, and random road trips are fun.
I was a total jerk.
Friendships and trust were broken.
I saw the Almost in concert and met Aaron Gillespie.
I got another tattoo.
I went to snowflex for the first time.
Shared Thanksgiving with family and friends.
I had (and still have) a lot to be thankful for.
I went to another wedding.
Money was tight.
Friends got together, friends broke up, friends got engaged.
Pranks were pulled.
A few all-nighters and a ton of studying led to my passing all my classes and achieving my goal of a 3.0 GPA
I was wrong.
Friendship is more important than pride and communication solves a lot of problems.
Christmas with my family was wonderful.
Life is funny sometimes.
Party planning is under way.
I plan to once again greet the new year with some good friends.

This is a very much condensed version of life over the past year. It was filled with ups and downs. It was beautiful and messy, easy and difficult, fun and challenging. I probably left a lot of things out. This year has really shaped me. It will be bitter sweet to see it end, but every ending is just an opportunity for a new beginning. Here's hoping that 2011 is everything and more than 2010.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” 

declares the LORD, 

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, 

plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him,

and he will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6

I Have More than I Deserve to be Thankful for

November 25, 2010

It's that time of year again. The time for history classes to talk about pilgrims and Indians and little kids to dress up for school plays. The time to travel and visit family and cram too many people in one house around one table and fight over who gets the drumstick. A time for turkey and stuffing and pumpkin pie. A time for eating way too much and then sitting around, watching football, and slowly slipping into a food coma. Whatever other family traditions take place across the country today, most, if not all will pause for a moment to think about or share what they are tankful for. A lot of people will be posting statuses about such, but there is just so much that I'm thankful for that a status wouldn't do it justice. I am so blessed that it's difficult to accurately describe and I'll probably leave out a lot, but I figured I'd give it a whirl anyway.

I am thankful for life and my health. I wake up every morning and get out of bed. I can do that without any help. All I really have is the breath in my lungs, and I am not entitled to that much. But I thank God everyday for giving it to me.

I'm thankful for my family. Some days they drive me absolutely crazy. But every day they are there for me and they love me and take care of me. Dysfunctional as they may be, I could not ask for people who support me, encourage me, treasure me, and love me more than they do.

I am thankful for my friends. They are the ones who know me, understand me, see all my faults, flaws, and insanity, and still choose to be seen in public with me. They make me laugh, hold me when I cry, and love me just the way I am. They don't have to put up with me, but they do and I am so grateful for that.

I'm thankful for the big things in my life. For freedom, for having a place to call home, for having food to eat and clothes and shoes to wear every day, for being able to afford an education (and that is only by the grace of God), for having a car, for hot water, electricity, and all the other little things I take for granted every day.

I am thankful for the little things as well. For music that I can hear and sing, for the beauty of nature- changing leaves, a starry sky, a sunny day, or fresh fallen snow. I'm thankful for coffee and chapstick and Taco Bell and walking barefoot and hugs and laughter and crunchy leaves and incense and good cooking and acoustic guitars and long talks and late nights and all the little things that make life beautiful...

Last, and most importantly, I am thankful for my salvation. The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God means I don't have to be separated from God, even though that's what I deserve. Christ made the ultimate sacrifice for me and there aren't words sufficient to express how thankful I am for that.

This is just a small slice of the rich blessings God has poured out in my life. I could sit here for hours and come up with more and more that I have to be thankful for, but I will save us all the time and trouble and just say that I am blessed beyond belief and I thank God and all the wonderful people in my life for that. Happy Thanksgiving.

In Praise of the Male Gender

September 18, 2010

Disclaimer:

This is not a rant or a frustrated entry. What I write here can be taken at face value. It is only fair that I add this to what I wrote in my last note.

I am just so thankful for my awesome guy friends. While there are times that guys annoy me beyond belief and I just don't understand them, I think the good outweighs the bad. I am glad that I have so many great guy friends. They are loyal and trustworthy. I love hanging out with guys because they are so chill. There is no drama and other silliness to worry about. I feel like I can just be myself; laugh, joke and have fun. I have always had protective guy friends who watch out for me and make sure I don't get hurt. They will defend me if necessary, and I know they always have my back. They will take me to the store to get medicine when I am sick, stay up for hours on AIM or Skype to entertain me when I can't sleep. They fix stuff for me when it breaks and come pick me up when my car breaks down and I can't fix it. They offer me their jackets when I am cold. They give me hugs and cheer me up when I feel bad or am having a crummy day.They give me rides places. They will walk with me to class, then stand around and talk when they could be doing other things. They sit in class with me and tutor me in math. They play sports and video games and watch movies, etc that other girls don't like. They listen to music and take me to concerts that other girls don't like. They take me out to cheer me up when something sucky happens. They buy me food, drinks, or movie tickets when they don't have to. They open the car door for me and let me sit in the front. They say nice things (sometimes) and listen to me rant and rave when I need to vent.

Basically, what I am saying is that I have the best guy friends in the whole wide world and I wouldn't trade them for anything. I just needed to put that in writing because I don't think I tell them enough how important they are to me and how much I love them. Thanks guys.

Venting My Frustration with the Male Gender

September 13, 2010

Please don't bother reading this unless you are prepared for a rant. That is my only disclaimer. This is necessary for my sanity right now-a purging, of sorts, to clear my mind. Writing is the best and healthiest way I know of to deal with minor frustrations like this so here it goes.

I am just so annoyed with being the best friend who gets to sit and listen to my guy friends describe the "perfect girl" whose criterion I apparently just don't live up to. I'm sick of sitting at a table of guys who can't stop staring at/talking about the "hot girl" walking by [who they have never spoken to and know nothing about, I might add]. They say things like " I'm gonna marry that girl" when in reality they will never get up the courage to even so much as speak to said girl. I hate sitting through this and feeling like I will never be good enough to be that girl. I don't know what it is exactly that I am lacking. I am apparently forever consigned to the "friend zone". Don't get me wrong-I love my guy friends. They are a lot of fun and I wouldn't trade them for the world. It's not even that I am particularly interested in dating them. It's just that sometimes I wonder how on earth they can be so dense! I'm sure I speak for many girls out there when I express this exasperation with the male gender. How is it that they don't understand how hard and painful it is to constantly be inadvertently compared to all the girls that we will never live up to: these girls with super model bodies, perfect hair and makeup, cute clothes, and whatever else it is that guys are so struck by. I understand that guys look at, think about, and talk about girls that they are interested in. There is nothing wrong with that. I do the same thing regarding guys, but not in front of other guys. I save that kind of talk for girls’ nights, etc. I know guys think differently than girls, but I just feel like it is common courtesy not to talk about other girls in front of girls, or ask a girl to introduce you to her hot friends. It's just a little insulting. It's like saying the girl sitting in front of you is not good enough, or not valuable in her own right. Maybe I am alone in this feeling, but it is how I feel nonetheless. I just needed to put that out there. Rant over. kthxbai